world domination packages
your path to unlimited control of all circumstances
world domination packages for every need:
world renowned OOPS package
everything starts with a fantastic logo. it’s the initial statement of your values, the foundation of everything your company represents. identity is everything made which displays your logo. but how do you get a stunningly unique brand?
GOOD NEWS! the dr. trentreker Logo Identity Brand (LIB) graphic design package is the preeminent way to awe your industry. specifically created for new ventures, LIB consists of everything you need to exert authority over your unsuspecting competition.
importantly, your brand is born from your identity. branding is the perpetual process of identifying, creating and managing the assets and actions which shape the perception of your company. a new brand must have time to develop context, and the LIB package is all about context!
see what i have done in the past and what i can do for you here.
LIB RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
LOGO DESIGN AND DEVELOPMENT
PRINT COLLATERAL (BUSINESS CARDS, LETTERHEAD, ENVELOPE), WITH SIGNAGE, CLOTHING, PRINT AND DIGITAL/SOCIAL MEDIA ADVERTISING DESIGN AVAILABLE
PROMOTIONS CONSULTING, DESIGN AND IMPLEMENTATION
PRINTER, WEB HOST AND EMAIL MANAGEMENT
WEBSITE DESIGN AND DEVELOPMENT (see below)
HELP YOU INTENTIONALLY MAINTAIN AND PROPAGATE YOUR BRAND THROUGH ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR ORGANIZATION
your website is far more than a place for people to see a menu or buy a thing. it’s your value in action, a firm digital handshake with a generous smile. your website must exude the promise of quality and care. it must look great, work efficiently.
but where to find web design of the non-mediocre and obtuse kind? where can you go to begin your path toward world domination?
GOOD NEWS! the dr. trentreker Worldwide Web Jihad Design (WWJD) package blasts mediocrity back to the shithole country where it came from.
best of all, every WWJD website helps make the world freer from fascist extremists. won’t you please help little johnny live fascist free? it only costs $7 a day. your love will make a huge difference in the life of one innocent child. please act now.
WWJD RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
WEBSITE ARCHITECTURE DESIGN AND DEVELOPMENT
COPY/TEXT CONTENT CREATION AND EDITING
GRAPHIC DESIGN CONTENT CREATION AND EDITING
WEB HOST AND EMAIL ACCOUNT SETUP
USER INTERFACE AND WEBSITE FUNCTIONALITY/QUALITY ASSURANCE TESTING
GOOGLE ADS PROMOTION DESIGN AND MANAGEMENT
posters? postcards? magazine ads? street and sidewalk signs? billboards? google ads? need a marketing plan? maybe t-shirts? what about employee neck tattoos of your company logo? ka-BLAMMO!™ i’m your bomb maker. dr. trentreker’s patented Pleasure Introduction of Limited Liability (PILL) package is the world domination industry’s favorite public indoctrination strategy. everybody knows that.
start making people do what you say. . . . TODAY!
PILL RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
PRINTER QUALITY ASSURANCE AND PRINT MANAGEMENT
GRAPHIC DESIGN OF PROMO MATERIALS
INDOOR AND OUTDOOR SIGNAGE AND BANNER DESIGN, MANUFACTURE AND INSTALLATION
GOOGLE ADS DESIGN, DEVELOPMENT AND IMPLEMENTATION
opening a new cafe or bar & grille? nightclub or uppity eatery? just bought the local quicky mart? need to update a tired logo or street signage created 20 years ago by cousin billy bob’s friend’s uncle? where oh where do you turn?
GOOD NEWS! the dr. trentreker Attention Diverted by Happy Directives (ADHD) package will increase your financial girth like ten thousand late night snacks of peace and quiet will increase your belly.
since my first job as a dishwasher in high school, i’ve worked in and managed bars, restaurants and clubs from beverly hills to bourbon street, yellowstone park to waikiki. i’ve seen everything and i know what you’re going through. it’s obvious i enjoy a good time but serving folks is serious business. i’m here to help.
ADHD RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
MENU CONTENT EDITING
MENU GRAPHIC DESIGN AND REVISIONS
P.O.S. USER NAVIGATION CONSULTING
INDOOR AND OUTDOOR SIGNAGE, BANNER AND/OR SPECIAL ARCHITECTURAL ART DESIGN, MANUFACTURE AND INSTALLATION
PRINT, WEB, EMAIL SETUP AND MANAGEMENT
WEBSITE DESIGN AND DEVELOPMENT (see WWJD above)
CONSULTING FOR BRANDED CLOTHING, INTERIOR, ART AND SOUND DESIGN EXPERIENCES
producing a film? run a funky youtube channel you want to sear into the consciousness of humanity? struggling to get your great stuff noticed?
GOOD NEWS! WORLD DOMINATION AWAITS! the dr. trentreker Multisensory Overload Mystery (MOM) package (it’s WOW upside down!) is exactly what you need to illuminate your project from the myopic masses of video making mediocrity.
awaken the enlightenment already within you with a MOM package. only your halfassed labor stops you.
MOM RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
film/video storyboard development
film/video graphics creation
lighting and sound installation
sound and video recording, editing
lots of adobe premiering and after effectsing
publication and promotion
yep. got that goin’ for me, too.
writing assignments accepted under the notoriously infamous Gonz-Ohmm Poet (GOP) package. for the uninitiated, it goes like this: i write whatever i frickin’ feel like. will also accept gonzo journalism in foreign countries with large advances preferred. war zone? no prob. been dead before. all good.
somebody else does robotic corporate clickbait crap. they’re waiting for your ping at starbucks right now.
email from corporate magazine guy
deadline agreed to so far in advance i got this
$20,000 deposited into my cashapp
let’s see what knoxville offers in coke and hookers
with one special lady, places are traveled to (void if war zone / then it’s gruesome articles and dramatic death as a typewriter-toting samurai viking)
somebody important gets interviewed
by “interviewed” i mean whatever some senator or amazon executive vacationing in cancun says, thinking i’m all ’bout unregulated capitalism while they’re drunk next to my upside down phone that’s accidentally recording (hooker from knoxville is instrumental in making drunken confidential talks happen for some reason) as we joke about world domination.
published in the atlantic or mother jones or something
pulitzer & nobel prizes awarded
$20,000 deposited again into my cashapp
hooker writes bestselling memoir, takes me out to trejo’s tacos
do you have the need to accomplish something not easily categorized? something enormous in personal scope but not prison-in-turkey illegal? 200 grand burning a hole in your pocket? GOOD NEWS! step right this way and be regaled with the amazing benefits of dr. trentreker’s Outrageous and Overwhelming Promotional Stunts (OOPS) package. you know, deep inside. . . . it’s this or suicide. so come on! turn that frown into clowns!
kill your self, the zen monk demands! learn what the fuck that means. and MORE!
who wants to write a killer memoir in ten years? YOU DO!
OOPS RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS
SWEEPING BLOOD OATHS SIGNED IN NEW ORLEANS, MAYBE VEGAS
unbelievable experiences in the yucatan, tangier, bangkok and probably india
techniques d’évasion de l’autorité française
ox, shark and stripper training
your realization of WORLD DOMINATION
MUAH HA HA HA HAAAA