about dr. trent reker
world domination consultant
i’ve been everywhere man
even bakersfield, springfield and elysian fields
f.a.q. / frequently asked world domination consusulting questions
WHAT ARE YOUR FEES?
as planet earth’s #1 world domination consultant (bing and google results, june, 2022 – present) i charge per project. each job is different so i cannot say “a website is three grand.” i lay out everything expected in one detailed contract, negotiated from an initial bid. the contract includes exhaustive descriptions of each element, time to complete that element, and that element’s cost.
once agreed to, half the contract’s fees are due. this insures a potential client’s sincerity and commitment. the final half is paid upon my delivery of the package(s).
if time to complete a specific venture takes longer than budgeted, i will finish the task for no extra charge if the error was mine. clients who seek too many revisions (3 are always included), or who add new projects to a contract will be charged $100/hour for the additions. new deposits are sometimes required.
it’s free for sensible madmen to call or email to discuss your world domination project
$100 an hour? seriously? you just sit at a computer.
think so, huh? how many world domination consultants do YOU know?
what does your attorney charge to talk on the phone or write a letter?
what do you pay at the garage to create a hot-rodded fuel injection map for your hemi? or replacing the brakes for your s.u.v.?
tattoo artists make a hundred bucks an hour.
my research and analysis includes going places and doing things i cannot divulge, all to insure the venture package you receive is truly exceptional. i’d have to kill you if i told you these secrets. with almost a decade worth of education and two decades of professional world domination experience, i’m not “just sitting at a computer.” i’m creating your future.
you can get a new one here.
doctor trentreker, world domination consultant?
indeed, since 1996, and what kind of world domination consultant (WDC) wouldn’t be a doctor? a phony one, that’s who (like a certain poseur in cincinnati). i refer to “the world domination consultant rules and regulations handbook (1996).” this is the definitive source for all WDC information and it contains the following:
QUALIFICATIONS FOR RECOGNITION AS A WORLD DOMINATION CONSULTANT:
1. the world domination consultant must be a doctor.
see? it’s mandatory. beware any WDC who does not have, or cannot prove their doctorship. also beware of anyone or anything sporting a capital Q. they are from the shadow side and will only destroy you.
in all seriousness, i’d clipped out the famous ad in the back of rolling stone’s classified pages around 1990. six years later i sent in a few bucks and whammo! doctor of metaphysics and minister. katrina took the award in 2005. finally got another in 2020. still have the 27 year-old original minister card, which i kept in my wallet for many years.
folks with ULC degrees and/or ministry credentials include every beatle, hunter s. thompson, jimmy stewart, paul newman, sammy davis jr., hugh hefner, abbie hoffman, billy gibbons, kevin smith, dwayne johnson, stephen colbert, bryan cranston, benedict cumberbatch, george takei, denis leary, conan o’brien, and lady freaking gaga, among many others.
before i was art director at skillnet/rarefire in cupertino, “doctor of metaphysics” was on my resume. they asked about it, i told them, they replied, “that’s awesome. do you want it to say dr. trent reker on your business card?”
“you mean i have the job?”
of course my card said “dr. trent reker.” good times.
Tell me about your specialties:
it’s obvious i enjoy music and moto-related stuff but i’ve created a lot of restaurant, bar, hostel/hotel and event stuff from posters and signage to menu design and websites. shaping brand new identity packages for up-and-coming ventures is also a favorite.
i’ve worked with bankers, bikers, bail bondsmen, and bloggers. churches, strip clubs, software developers, vintage & antique shops, dog rescues, and zen centers. created and manufactured websites, billboards, signage, menus, videos, sculpture, clothing, paintings, product photography, books & book covers, entire magazines, custom motorcycle parts, broadcast television graphics, corporate identity, rock music, motorcycles, interior design and even george bush voodoo dolls.
as you see by looking around, i enjoy executing exclusive and uncommon work as the premiere world domination consultant for iconoclasts™. the best part of my job is seeing a customer find stunning success.
say hello to find some for yourself.
the DEAL WITH CAPITAL LETTERS
this goes back to my college days of frustrating professors and assistants. indeed, i know the accepted usage of punctuation, how to write clear, concise copy and how to capitalize sentences and nouns. but this is my website and i’ll do as i damn well please. you’re not getting the version you want to see. you’re getting the truth of me. mostly. yeah.
back to nouns. they seem to think they’re very important. “don’t you know who I AM?” they stare down with smug self-righteousness, unaware how they wouldn’t exist without the inherent action of verbs.
therefore, nouns are nothing but inherited pride, aristocratic bastards living off the labor of the verb, the lower case working class which makes and connects all things. in writing without capitals, i equalize bourgeois nouns with the proletariat of english language.
as for capitalizing the first letter of sentences, the period (or other ending punctuation) at the end of the previous sentence kinda makes capitalizing the beginning of the next one a tad superfluous, don’t you think? same as the oxford comma.
capital letters are good for only two and one-half things. one, for the author to express loudness. two, headlines. two and one-half, acronyms. sometimes. depends on my mood.
now, that’s just me, mad poet. for you, unless you specify otherwise, i’ll stick with accepted standards. check out RUSTYMETRIC magazine below to see for yourself.
dr. timothy leary, timothy as he wanted to be called, was a counter-culture icon i grew up idolizing as a stoner teen in 1980s montana. it was a dream come true when, living in hollyweird as an edgy musician in the early 90’s, i was invited to his home way up in the hills of beverly. amazing view.
as you may imagine, he was a very interesting man. we hit if off quickly. when visiting, i was always received warmly, even invited into his office. this was a rare occurrence for anyone yet timothy practically grabbed me almost every time. his office was the stereotypical mad doctor room with piles of papers and books stacked on everything. there, he shared the finest whiskey, his american spirit smokes, and gave me dot-matrix printouts of stuff he was writing with hot italian astrophysicist fiorella terenzi.
one day he came in from another room, yelling at a young man, “you can’t be sorry to me!” the young man, a conservatively-dressed twenty-something with hair parted on the side was one step behind, apologizing. timothy turned to yell again, “you can’t be sorry to ME!” after almost aminute of this, which was way out of timothy’s cool character, he turned to me, sitting on his sofa with a bondage model and said, “get this fucker out of my home!” with that, he turned and stomped away. i stood up, walked over, put my arm around the dude’s shoulder and led him out, telling him in the kindest way how he was not welcome to return.
my position as enforcer at timothy’s house was secured that summer of 1992.
timothy wanted the minds and spirits of free people, not obsequious twits enslaved to the unconscious idea of being led. he didn’t want “sorry.” dude had been around. harvard psych prof, l.s.d. guru, john lennon’s pal, prison escapee and international man-on-the-run funded by violent antifascist organizations. after being arrested in freaking afghanistan by nixon a few years after his escape, he was sent to folsom prison.
i don’t wear black because i love johnny cash. i wear black because i love johnny cash and timothy leary. folsom connects them.
there, he lived in the cell next to charles manson. being incredibly affable in nature, seeing him angry meant there was a damn good reason. because, how can one be sorry to a man who has seen so much and yet, so much more?
until that moment it seemed nothing phased timothy. smiling his blindingly blue-eyed million dollar smirk of “yeah yeah yeah,” he both smelled bullshit a mile away and sold it mirthfully. he demanded nothing but one’s unique truth. mundane or insane. if he had a different opinion of that truth, or if he expanded your awareness of another truth, no worries. truth is temporary. but never be sorry over trivial bullshit.
read almost a thousand books. one recent five-year stretch saw me read almost 400. i was on a roll. from moses to trungpa, a’kempis to suzuki, goethe, dickens, dostoevsky, emerson, eckhart, kerouac, melville, flannery o, william s, chuck p, philip k, hemingway, asimov, chandler, and even “roquelaure.” religion from merton, milarepa and zoroaster. piracy and government (same thing) from exquemelin to de tocqueville. physics and mystics. richard feynman to hermann hess. history, geology, archeology, poetry. bukowski, naidu, whitman, shakespeare, wilde. tarantula prose poetry and lipstick traces punk rock history. DIY, self help, psychology, sociology, travel, typewriter repair, and one thoroughly entertaining novel by jimmy buffett.
ever read “the religion of tomorrow” by ken wilber? jeez. you think tolstoy’s long winded? half dozen of wilber’s books sit on my shelves. fascinating stuff. currently studying “the rape of the mind” by joost meerloo. it’s about authoritarian mind control techniques from 1956. surprisingly applicable today. for some reason.
have written a few, beginning with “untitled book for the masses #1” back in 1997. “shoot forth thunder” is still on amazon, in the cover from the original san francisco publisher, isbn #0978815327. you can get the new ones, with the cover above, here. five shorts written on a 1940’s royal KMG typewriter in new orleans, spring & summer of 2005. yes, that new orleans summer. five bucks. shoot forth an email.
let’s talk about anti-imperialist plans to abolish fascism and neoliberalism to benefit all sentient beings.