WHAT ARE YOUR FEES?

as planet earth’s #1 world domination consultant (bing and google results, june, 2022 – present) i charge per project.  each job is different so i cannot say “a website is three grand.”  i lay out everything expected in one detailed contract, negotiated from an initial bid.  the contract includes exhaustive descriptions of each element, time to complete that element, and that element’s cost.

once agreed to, half the contract’s fees are due.  this insures a potential client’s sincerity and commitment.  the final half is paid upon my delivery of the package(s).

if time to complete a specific venture takes longer than budgeted, i will finish the task for no extra charge if the error was mine.  clients who seek too many revisions (3 are always included), or who add new projects to a contract will be charged $100/hour for the additions.  new deposits are sometimes required.

it’s free for sensible madmen to call or email to discuss your world domination project

$100 an hour?  seriously?  you just sit at a computer.

think so, huh?  how many world domination consultants do YOU know?

what does your attorney charge to talk on the phone or write a letter?

what do you pay at the garage to create a hot-rodded fuel injection map for your hemi?  or replacing the brakes for your s.u.v.?

tattoo artists make a hundred bucks an hour.

my research and analysis includes going places and doing things i cannot divulge, all to insure the venture package you receive is truly exceptional.  i’d have to kill you if i told you these secrets.  with almost a decade worth of education and two decades of professional world domination experience, i’m not “just sitting at a computer.”  i’m creating your future.

you can get a new one here.

doctor trentreker, world domination consultant?

indeed, since 1996, and what kind of world domination consultant (WDC) wouldn’t be a doctor?  a phony one, that’s who (like a certain poseur in cincinnati).  i refer to “the world domination consultant rules and regulations handbook (1996).” this is the definitive source for all WDC information and it contains the following:

QUALIFICATIONS FOR RECOGNITION AS A WORLD DOMINATION CONSULTANT:

1.  the world domination consultant must be a doctor.

see?  it’s mandatory.  beware any WDC who does not have, or cannot prove their doctorship.  also beware of anyone or anything sporting a capital Q.  they are from the shadow side and will only destroy you.

in all seriousness, i’d clipped out the famous ad in the back of rolling stone’s classified pages around 1990.  six years later i sent in a few bucks and whammo!  doctor of metaphysics and minister.  katrina took the award in 2005.  finally got another in 2020.  still have the 27 year-old original minister card, which i kept in my wallet for many years.

folks with ULC degrees and/or ministry credentials include every beatle, hunter s. thompson, jimmy stewart, paul newman, sammy davis jr., hugh hefner, abbie hoffman, billy gibbons, kevin smith, dwayne johnson, stephen colbert, bryan cranston, benedict cumberbatch, george takei, denis leary, conan o’brien, and lady freaking gaga, among many others.

before i was art director at skillnet/rarefire in cupertino, “doctor of metaphysics” was on my resume.  they asked about it, i told them, they replied, “that’s awesome.  do you want it to say dr. trent reker on your business card?”

“you mean i have the job?”

ka-BLAMMO!™

of course my card said “dr. trent reker.”  good times.

timothy

dr. timothy leary, timothy as he wanted to be called, was a counter-culture icon i grew up idolizing as a stoner teen in 1980s montana.  it was a dream come true when, living in hollyweird as an edgy musician in the early 90’s, i was invited to his home way up in the hills of beverly.  amazing view.

as you may imagine, he was a very interesting man.  we hit if off quickly.  when visiting, i was always received warmly, even invited into his office.  this was a rare occurrence for anyone yet timothy practically grabbed me almost every time.  his office was the stereotypical mad doctor room with piles of papers and books stacked on everything.  there, he shared the finest whiskey, his american spirit smokes, and gave me dot-matrix printouts of stuff he was writing with hot italian astrophysicist fiorella terenzi.

one day he came in from another room, yelling at a young man, “you can’t be sorry to me!”  the young man, a conservatively-dressed twenty-something with hair parted on the side was one step behind, apologizing.  timothy turned to yell again, “you can’t be sorry to ME!”  after almost aminute of this, which was way out of timothy’s cool character, he turned to me, sitting on his sofa with a bondage model and said, “get this fucker out of my home!”  with that, he turned and stomped away.  i stood up, walked over, put my arm around the dude’s shoulder and led him out, telling him in the kindest way how he was not welcome to return.

books

read almost a thousand books.  one recent five-year stretch saw me read almost 400.  i was on a roll.  from moses to trungpa, a’kempis to suzuki, goethe, dickens, dostoevsky, emerson, eckhart, kerouac, melville, flannery o, william s, chuck p, philip k, hemingway, asimov, chandler, and even “roquelaure.”  religion from merton, milarepa and zoroaster.  piracy and government (same thing) from exquemelin to de tocqueville.  physics and mystics.  richard feynman to hermann hess.  history, geology, archeology, poetry. bukowski, naidu, whitman, shakespeare, wilde.  tarantula prose poetry and lipstick traces punk rock history.  DIY, self help, psychology, sociology, travel, typewriter repair, and one thoroughly entertaining novel by jimmy buffett.